i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you had me at cake vodka
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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