The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
