weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
