Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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