so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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