Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
