I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
