id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
