i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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