DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Randomize
