will power is for people who don't want to get laid
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
