yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
