The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
