I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
