So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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