This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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