dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
