Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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