Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
