You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
