Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
