I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
