I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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