he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
