I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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