Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
