just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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