he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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