I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
