We got so high we made milksteak
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
