i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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