my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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