I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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