I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
