It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
