dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
