i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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