Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
