The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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