I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
