yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
