Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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