I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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