She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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