if you like me you must not know who I am
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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