Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
