too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
