I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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