I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
