Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
