so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
