how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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