So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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