I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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