We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
