i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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