Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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