I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
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I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
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I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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