Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
