stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
