Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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