I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
