just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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