Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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