you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just pee around me
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
