I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You pole danced in your parka.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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