I feel great
I just peed on a car
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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