I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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