everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
