champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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