i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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