he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
