this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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