so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
even my farts smell like vagina
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
