He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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