dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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