living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
