You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
