if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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