It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize