Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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