I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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