tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I deserve this hangover.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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