I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
